Insights

Belonging. This is something most people struggle with at some point in their lives. We all have a memory of walking into some space and feeling completely out of place. Many times, the sense of not belonging comes from something within ourselves that needs to be adjusted. We falsely assume ourselves to be receiving negative attention from others when in truth, we are receiving no attention at all. Most often, people are too focused on themselves to notice the awkwardness of the one feeling out of place. Certainly, it is important to help our children with their false self-perceptions but we can also help them learn to look beyond themselves and help foster a sense of belonging for those around them. This begins in the home where taking time to make sure every family member feels seen, valued and fully accepted is essential. “Home is where lifelong attitudes are rooted and affirmed, where children learn the values that will inform how they move through the world” (Johnston, A Place to Belong, pg xvi). Home is where children learn both that they have a place to belong and how to invite others into belonging.

Over the course of this semester, we will take a deeper look into the idea of belonging and how we can foster a sense of belonging both inside our homes and within our school community. Continuing the theme of family, belonging fits most closely with Stephen Covey’s sixth habit of effective families, synergy. (See chapter 6 of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, by Covey.) Covey calls synergy the “supreme or highest fruit of all the habits.” Synergy is described in the old cliche, “When the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” Or as Covey says, “Synergy is a situation in which one plus one equals at least three.” In a synergistic relationship, all parts belong fully. To form synergistic relationships each person in the relationship must be interested in the others in the relationship. In a family, this means that every family member must learn to regard other members of the family as important and interesting. Though we would love for this to happen naturally, our selfish nature requires that we work to create synergy with others. There are several small ways you can begin to foster synergistic relationships within your home.

This week, we challenge you to spend some time talking about synergy with your children. Covey suggests experimenting with jobs that are easier to do with the help of another such as making a bed or lifting a heavy object. I’m sure there are many to choose from. A fun activity could also be creating a venn diagram of your individual traits. What are the things that make you similar? What things make you each unique? As you discover these things, celebrate them. Make sure this is surrounded by positive discussion. Discussion is a wonderful way to make sure that all members of the family are seen and heard. Over dinner, pay attention to who is carrying the conversation. Are there family members who are being left in the shadows? It can be easy for the more vocal child to unintentionally create a shadow over one or more of their siblings. Given the chance, the sibling would most likely enjoy contributing. Each person at your table has something of value to contribute. Seek it out and teach children to seek it from one another. By first fostering belonging in our homes, we will then be able to reach further and help our children learn to find synergy with others.

January 20, we will meet with all students in seventh - twelfth grade to introduce a new policy intended to help inform how they speak to one another. Insensitive words do not lead to synergy but instead bring about division and hurt. This is a topic we will cover more completely in the February 9 parent bulletin, however, here is the policy we are introducing to secondary students this week. The policy can be found in Section 9.1 of the Parent/Student Handbook.

“Logos Preparatory Academy denounces the use of offensive discourse targeting a group or an individual based on gender, race, disability, color, denomination, and national and ethnic origin. ‘Discriminatory speech’ or any form of expression through which speakers vilify, humiliate, or incite hatred intentionally or unintentionally on the aforementioned bases is contrary to the vision, mission statement, guiding principles, and core values of Logos Prep. Violations of our policy against discriminatory speech may be subject to Section 9.2 of the Logos Preparatory Academy Parent/Student Handbook.”

Wishing you synergy in your relationships and conversations that deepen relationships within your homes and beyond.

Tammy McIlvoy
Head of School
Logos Preparatory Academy